Half a year old (The birth story)

I know, nobody cares about half birthdays. It was mine on Tuesday and you know how many people remembered? 1. Wait, does it even count if that 1 was me? With an end of June birthday it usually got ignored since school was over and camp had yet to start. Whatever.

Today is Lisi’s half birthday so I’m just reminiscing about the day she was born. Who doesn’t like a good birth story?
Her actual due date was the 28th. Annie was a day late and Judah was induced on his due date (gestational diabetes, shudder) so I figured she’d come out around the 28th. My doctor was talking about inducing but I felt fine and wasn’t in any kind of rush so I just chillaxed.

At 2:15 am on the 27th I got up for my middle of the night cereal or what we fondly call, first breakfast. I did some online impulse buys, had some seconds. Typical Wednesday night. I felt a small cramp so I excitedly set up my contraction app. I hit the button when I thought I felt something. They were like 15-20 minutes apart and really not exciting at all. I decided to take a shower before going back to sleep. With every contraction I popped out to touch the app. When I was done I realized they were 3 minutes apart, like a minute long. Should I call the doctor or have more cereal? At 5:15 I called the doctor who said I sounded fine but if I wanted to come to the hospital and hang out I can. That’s when it hit me that this realllllly hurt! We called a cab and arrived at Mount Sinai at 5:45, (chuckled when we saw the sign for the “breast center”) and slowly made it into the building.

By the time we reached the check-in I was screaming for an epidural. They had Craig fill out the paperwork and told me to go to the bathroom. I hobbled along, got on the toilet and a gush of what looked like poo came out of me (I later learned my water broke and there was meconium, yuck). I totally flipped out–I mean it was the wrong hole! What’s happening to me? Craig ran down the hall “can we get some help in here”? Um, I need a epidural like now
Ok maam, what number child?
3
Oh, this might be fast. 
Cool. Epidural?
Hi, I’m a resident, I know what I’m doing in case your doctor doesn’t make it.
Cool. Epidural?
Ok, let me just check you first. Oh wow, there’s no cervix. You’re fully dilated.
Great. EPIDURAL NOW PLEASE.
Umm, oh look, you’re doctor is here!
Hey Doctor, can we call anesthesiology please?
Sure…. but I’m not sure they will make it on time.
No worries, I’ll wait. Oh, I feel like I have to poo!
Like you want to push? Ok, let’s get out of the hallways.
(they pushed me on the stretcher through the halls as I screamed and held my crotch)

We get to the room. No bed. We’re doing this on the stretcher.

Hi, I’m the anesthesiologist. I need to ask you some questions,  give you the shpiel, get this started and then it needs to kick in in. The baby can probably come out before then.
Ok, we’re wasting time, let’s do this.
She started asking questions, I screamed and held my crotch every minute. Everyone in the room was nodding their heads. And it hit me. I’m not getting my drugs. My awesome Jamaican nurse assured me that I’ll be fine. It’ll hurt but then it will be over. I very hesitantly told the anesthesiologist she could leave. My doctor propped a bedpan underneath my butt since there was still no bed and told me to push at the next contraction. I pushed. It hurt. I can still hear the nurse’s accent screaming “push like you’re making a bowel movement, make the bowel movement, push out the bowel movement“.

And at 6:13 am, out she flew. Welcome to the world baby Elisabeth!

2 comments

  1. You forgot to mention that your best friend in the world came from across the planet to see you and bring you Cheetos and Skittles.

    Oh and we’re finally going to start calling her Elisabeth???

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